written in my journal on the first couple days of july :
where do i begin... i'm in the sickest apartment in amsterdam, staring out at a beautiful floor-to-ceiling view of the city--of canals, churches, bridges, and a train station. there's a crystal chandelier above me, a hot coffee next to me, and soft music playing on a stereo behind me. i'm fully clean for the first time in 3 weeks--as in hair, clothes, mind, and self. i used conditioner on this messy mane of mine for the first time in a month! scarlett has been so gracious, offering us anything we might need.
for the first time in more than a month of being in europe, i'm staying in a place where i feel 100% welcome. every other place i've stayed has had roommates or family who wasn't super keen on random people crashing there. i've definitely felt welcome for the most part, but there's always been one factor that made me feel a bit unsettled. that doesn't exist here.
scarlett's dad is an airline pilot and is only here once or twice a week (also because his main home is in malta!). so scarlett mostly has the place to herself. and scarlett is so laid back and real that we don't feel like we're intruding at all---if we were, i have a feeling she'd tell us. i love that. not to mention: we have a huge comfortable couch to sleep on, a big kitchen to cook in, a washer and dryer, huge bathroom (WITH A BATH), a beautiful view, and a purring kitty to pet.
this morning noelle and i woke up somewhat early. we stayed quiet, only whispering a few words every now and then, so as not to wake up scarlett. when scarlett woke around noon, the quietude continued. she's enrolled in online classes at the moment and had some studying to do. i relished in the quiet--in the ability to sit undisturbed, without the feeling of anyone waiting on me, or guilt for not being out in the city doing something awesome. to just sit there and write and reflect. i've been craving that!
and how ironic, that i went to a farm in the mountains searching for quietude and found complete chaos. now, here i am in amsterdam, arguably one of the wildest cities in europe, and i've found what i've been longing for. it's almost like it's all the more quiet and peaceful, in contrast to the busy city outside. our little oasis of comfort and leisure.
i'm in heaven. i'm as comfortable as my body is capable of being in this moment. and my mind is completely at peace. i'm safe and have nothing to worry about in the foreseeable future. i have absurdly wonderful memories to reflect on, and TIME to do it! i have a whole charming little world of possibilities waiting for me beyond this balcony. i have friends who appreciate my company. boys who miss me. family that loves me. what more could a girl ask for?
this moment is perfect. i am content.